The People Republic of Coleny Alpha is a huge, orderly nation, remarkable for its zero percent divorce rate, ritual sacrifices, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 594 million Coleny Alphans are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The large, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Education. The average income tax rate is 49.3%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The Coleny Alphan economy, worth 24.7 trillion marks a year, is led by the Uranium Mining industry, with significant contributions from Woodchip Exports, Door-to-door Insurance Sales, and Cheese Exports. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 41,561 marks, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

An increasing percentage of the population's youth have homosexual parents, Big Agriculture has the government by the nuts, selling your granddad's clothes requires an incredible amount of paperwork, and country folk are sent to obligatory boarding schools to learn how to be civilized. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Coleny Alpha's national animal is the panther, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Coleny Alpha is ranked 175,097^th in the world and 3^rd in Alphamenten for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring 86.51 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.